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 111 to  115  of total Records Found in Food Jokes
  Food Jokes
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Contributor : Unknown
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Bachelor's Diet MONDAY: BREAKFAST - Who can eat breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth LUNCH - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of maalox. AFTERNOON SNACK - Drink the maalox DINNER - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece dinner, don't eat the coleslaw. TUESDAY: BREAKFAST - Eat the coleslaw LUNCH - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. DINNER - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's. WEDNESDAY: BREAKFAST - Jaws couldn't eat breakfast after a night at El Flasho's LUNCH - Rolaids and a coke DINNER - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps THURSDAY: BREAKFAST - Order out for pizza LUNCH - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers. DINNER - Go to a bar and drink yourself silly, when you get hungry ask the bartender for olives. FRIDAY: BREAKFAST - Eggs, sausage, and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you. LUNCH - Skip lunch, Fridays are murder DINNER - Steak, well-done, baked potato, and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus. SATURDAY: BREAKFAST - Sleep through it. LUNCH - Ditto DINNER - Steak, Well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Dont eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket. SUNDAY: BREAKFAST - Three Bloody Marys and half a Twinkie. LUNCH - Eat Lunch? Waste a good buzz? Dont eat Lunch. DINNER - Chicken noodle soup - Call your mom and ask her about renting your old room.
Contributor : Unknown
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About 85% of women are responsible for cooking the family dinner, and 84% wish they didn't have to.
Contributor : Unknown
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The real difference between fat and thin people is that thin people: avoid eating popcorn in the movies because it gets their hands greasy split a large combination pizza with three friends; think Oreo cookies are for kids; nibble cashews one at a time; think that doughnuts are indigestible; read books they have to hold with both hands; become so absorbed in a weekend project they forget to have lunch; fill the candy dish on their desks with paper clips; counteract the midafternoon slump with a nap instead of a cinnamon Danish; exchange the deep-fryer they received for Christmas for a clock-radio; lose their appetites when they're depressed; think chocolate Easter bunnies are for kids; save leftovers that are too skimpy to use for another meal in order to make interesting soups; throw out stale potato chips; will eat only Swiss or Dutch chocolate, which cannot be found except in a special store; think it's too much trouble to stop at a special store just to buy chocolate; don't celebrate with a hot-fudge sundae every time they lose a pound; warm up after skiing with black coffee instead of hot chocolate and whipped cream; try all the salads at the buffet, leaving room for only one dessert; find iced tea more refreshing than an ice-cream soda; get into such interesting conversations at cocktail parties that they never quite work their way over to the hors-d'oeuvre table; have no compulsion to keep the candy dish symmetrical by reducing the jelly beans to an equal number of each color; think that topping brownies with ice cream makes too rich a dessert; bring four cookies into the TV room instead of a box; think banana splits are for kids.
Contributor : Unknown
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An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter. "Here is your oceanside condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area." "Heck, Gloria," the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off, "we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"
Contributor : Unknown
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